Relationship experts say these are the 8 red flags to look out for when you start dating someone — and some are surprisingly common

Relationship experts say these are the 8 red flags to look out for when you start dating someone — and some are surprisingly common
Erick Marroquín / Unsplash Any new relationship is full of challenges. You're getting to know someone, and there's no telling when something will happen to burst the bubble of your new romance. In general, it's fun learning all there is to know about someone who used to be a stranger. But sometimes, this new person will show signs that you shouldn't take things further. Everyone has their own quirks and opinions, and someone being a bit different isn't a reason to run for the hills. But if you find yourself compromising on yourself or feeling uncomfortable, these are major red flags. Business Insider asked eight relationship experts, many who specialise in helping people who have been in abusive relationships, what the one major red flag to look out for is. Here's what they said: 1. You justify their bad behaviour. Elti Meshau / Unsplash "If you find yourself justifying away what he does or says, even though these feel wrong in your gut, then that's a surefire red flag. The mind is the most skilled Photoshopper — it can rationalise anything and paint any picture of anyone, depending on our initial perspective. There is a psychological phenomenon known as the 'confirmation bias,' where we are inclined to discard all evidence that does not align with our views, and only keep those that do. And with a potentially toxic person, they have worked to create a false positive impression to worm their way into your heart. "So even if they do something bad or say something that's off, you may think: 'He's only this way because he went through X.' This is when ticking boxes of: 'Is he rude to the waiter?,' 'Is he nice to his family members?' doesn't work. He could be all that — the sleekest toxic people are. But underlying it, if he says things like: 'So they'll treat us better the next time,' or he has a mean mouth towards some people, and if you find yourself justifying his transactional mindset or meanness, then it's time to pause and step back. Our brains work overtime to convince us of someone who's not good for us, even when our guts know it." — Perpetua Neo, psychologist, expert in toxic relationships, and creator of Detox Your Heart 2. They don't talk through issues. nenetus/Shutterstock "I'd say the one major red flag in a person's behavior that may indicate that the relationship won't work is the unwillingness to talk through issues, big or small. All couples have disagreements. That's perfectly normal and healthy. But, it's how you handle those disagreements that can really make or break things. Does your partner walk away? Shut down? Place all the blame on you? Throw a tantrum? These are all red flags. In a good relationship, a couple can, and will, talk through issues, listening to the other person's point of view and expressing his or her own. No one needs to win or lose. It's about expressing how something makes you feel and being heard. Communication is key." — Erika Ettin, dating coach and founder of dating site " A Little Nudge" 3. They're constantly testing your boundaries. Gianni Zanato / Unsplash "Run from anyone who attempts to cross a boundary that you have set. Examples: you have said you do not want to go further sexually and they insist, you say you are not available on Sunday but they push you to see them, you are not ready to have them meet your family members or friends but they push you, they push you to date exclusively before you are ready, they want to move in or get married or set up a bank account before you want, they try to change the way you wear your hair or your clothes or anything else about you that feels like 'you' and it makes you uncomfortable." — Lisa Fontes, psychologist and author of " Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship" See the rest of the story at Business Insider

January 25, 2018 at 03:27PM